How to let them be.
Dear Friends and Yogis, Today is our 15th wedding anniversary! We are doing good and going strong. Because we let each other be.
We were goofing off before the big moment when my soon-to-be hubby was up on the platform we would be married on. He bent over and stuck his butt out at me. I pretended to kiss his a**. We thought it was so hysterical we had to take a pic*.
As the photographer came over a relative said, “You can’t do that!”
As in you’re not allowed to express yourselves differently than how I would express myself. You can’t do that because I wouldn’t do that.
The word allow means “let, permit, imply granting or conceding the right of someone to do something. Interchangeable with permit which implies absence of attempt or intent to hinder.”
In that moment, we were not causing harm to ourselves or anyone else nor committing an illegal act. And to this day this it’s my absolute favorite pic that hangs in our home. It reminds me no matter how crazy, heavy, or overwhelming this thing called life and marriage can be, we can always find lightness, love and laughter.
Have you ever told someone they can’t do something, that they aren’t allowed? Or even yourself?? You can’t go to that college or choose not to go at all. You can’t change jobs or careers. You can’t move to a new place or away from me. You can’t go back to school. You aren’t allowed to express yourself in that way. You can’t say those words, express those feelings, post that pic or comment.
In those moments are you really saying “I wouldn’t go to that college, move away, change careers, choose that form of expression.” How about, “I know what’s best/right for you and you can’t be trusted to follow your own inner guidance or calling.” Or “I’m afraid to _____ because the outcome is uncertain.”
If we had skipped that pic and gone for a more traditional pose I’d look at it each day and not see US. And that would feel heavy, stifled, fake rather than light, laughter and love.
When you try to remove the right of someone to do something, when there is attempt or intent to hinder that which does not cause any harm nor is illegal, you remove someone’s right to be fully themselves.
I get it, it can be hard to imagine someone not wanting a pic on their wall of them kissing their new husband’s a**. But if there is one thing we can all remember to remember it’s that we each move through the world with a unique set of experiences, lenses, filters and souls called to things different than ours. What is light and laughter to me may not be light and laughter to you.
May we each find the courage within to allow others to do, be, express themselves fully even when it is completely different from ourselves. May we each find the courage to do, be, express ourselves even when it’s scary and uncertain. That’s where soul-fulfilling life satisfaction comes from.
“Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.”
*The pic is a part of our intimate marriage experience. Only those close enough to us to be invited into our home can see it.
If you enjoyed or were inspired by what you read, please comment below, Like, Share, Pin and Tweet. With Gratitude, Cathy MA Ed., E-RYT500